His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
