that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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