That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
