I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Two words: blizzard sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
