tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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