seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
