I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
