there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
