Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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