We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
