If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
