Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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