It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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