i wish there were pregnant emoticons
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
