Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
