1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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