ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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