I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
