Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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