One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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