Can i not drive my cunt home
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
