there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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