Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize