I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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