Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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