the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
