jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
