There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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