I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
