Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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