Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
