I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
