my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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