We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
