I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
