I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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