I'm going to jail i love you
we made out on top of his cat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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