haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
