Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
