When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
