Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
