his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
