Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
