It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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