Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
