I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize