I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
