I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
