I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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