Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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