You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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