that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize