So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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