I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
