Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
