I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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