I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
