Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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