She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
