We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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