The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
tell me about the fingering
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