he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sext me about skeletons
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
