I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
