i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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