You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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