People in love make me want to vomit
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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