Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How does one acquire holy water?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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