actually, I'm a sock model
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
