she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
