Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
