His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
