Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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