I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
