woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
